Sophie and Oliver are roommates now.  Our almost 2 year-old and our 9 month-old are sharing a room.  Even better, Kels and I are the only ones sharing our room now that Ollie’s moved out.  It’s pretty nice.

The fast is going well.  I’m learning to step back when I feel a desire to do pointless things and use a lot of those times to remember why I’m doing this, to focus on the Word, my family or something meaningful.  I’m really enjoying this.

I was on CNN.com reading through a little bit of whatever and ran across an article about a Conservative Christian group that was putting up a cease and desist order against the Obama Campaign.  I read through all of the comments on the article…almost all; twenty minutes of reading and I was barely through the page.  It is amazing the image we as Christian’s have.  The world looks at most Christian people as hypocritical, entitled, greedy, hateful, racists…I could continue for lines.  What is it we’re called to do?  I think as “little Christ’s”, we’re seriously missing the point.  http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/07/07/conservative-group-drops-plans-to-sue-obama-team/

[Revelation #7]
The other night, instead of sitting down to watch some TV, I started getting dinner ready for the next day.  A little ways in Sophie woke up crying, I went in and held her for a minute or two and she fell back asleep.  I didn’t feel the usual compulsion to get back to doing something (important or not), instead, I found myself realizing that I had all the time in the world.  I just held her for a little while.  The revelation…I have so many valuable and extremely important things going in my life to waste any of it.

An interesting timeliness as the message this morning focused on the book of James and James 1.22-25.  

[Revelation #4]
“Do not merely listen to the Word”.  As Abe spoke on this he talked about a survey taken at the church where only 46% of those surveyed viewed scriptures as the final authority on God’s Word.  So, in listening to the Spirit internally, many seek God’s word without comparing it scripture for clarity.  I’m sure that I’ve done that myself and I must resist the urge to feel that I always know the will of God.  I need to spend more time turning to the scriptures to find clarity in God’s Word.     

[Revelation #5]
“Anyone who listens to the Word, but does not do what it says, is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”  James 1.23-24

Apparently, the Greek word for face is the same as image.  This gave a new and very meaningful insight.  How can we look at ourselves (made in the image of God) and go on our way as simply people of the world.  Today, we bear a name of mockery “Christian” which meant little-Christ.  It was given to early followers of Jesus who so intently strove to reflect the teachings and ways of Jesus.  Do we today, still deserve the name Christian, are we living reflective of those values?

Abe ended with a legend of Alexander the Great.  There was a law that anyone who retreats was to be executed.  One young man at his first battle was overwhelmed by the force and turn to run.  He was captured by his own men and brought before Alexander the Great.  The young boy was asked, “What is your name?”  He responded, “Alexander.”  The king climbed down from his throne and stood looking at the boy very closely nose to nose.  He then made an unprecedented move and told they boy, “Change your attitude or change your name.”  

I bought a copy of Saint Augustine’s “Handbook on Faith, Hope and Love” a few weeks back and started it yesterday.  I read through the first two sections and took some time to reflect on an all too familiar passage.  

“You believe that there is one God.  Good!  Even the demons believe that and shudder.” James 2.19

In the second chapter, Saint Augustine begins the discussion on faith, hope and love.  He says that faith believes.  I understand this to be in simple, knowledge; of good, of evil, of self, of surroundings, etc.  It in and of itself, does not change one.  But then there is hope.  Hope only deals with matters of good and hope that deals with evil is fear.  Hope is a matter of only things which lie in the future, “the conviction of things not seen.”  So, it is hope that can progress a good work within us.  In it, we learn to wait patiently (Romans 8:24-25).  This brings us to love…  

“What, then, shall I say of love, without which faith can do nothing?  There can be no true hope without love.  Indeed, as the apostle James says, ‘Even the demons believe and tremble.’  Yet, they neither hope nor love.  Instead, believing as we do that what we hope for and love is coming to pass, they tremble.  Therefore, the apostle Paul approves and commends the faith that works by love and that cannot exist without hope.  Thus, it is that love is not without hope, hope is not without love, and neither hope nor love are without faith.” - Saint Augustine

[Revelation # 3]
This opened up a much larger conversation in my head to work through.  I began to see this passage as not just concerning our actions and the by-products of faith.  The words struck deep meaning more than just, “do something”.  I kept drawing back to the word “hope”.  It can have no negative meaning as we can only hope for good.  I began to feel that my belief could be without reason and point if I do not have a hope that is laden in a love for Christ my savior.  Could I ever be made perfect in love if I do not hope for it and long for Christ’s work within me?

So, day 2 turned out to be a bad day for the venture concerning my being able to make time for reflection and study.  I was meeting the family up in Michigan which put me on a timeline to get out of town.  By the time we were all said and done for the day, Kels and I were beat and called it a day.  Turns out that Spiritual reflection isn’t easy on a total family vacation.

Kels and I were able to have a wonderful conversation about everything and I kept focus on avoiding things towards the fast from me.  I just wish I could have had the time I wanted too to focus on scriptures.

I’m starting to see this list forming…ohh, this is gonna be hard.  Tonight I effectively took a pass on soda, nutty bars and the television.  

I’ve decided I’ll watch TV when I’m asked to watch it with someone else, or the news.  News isn’t really fun, but vital.  It is kind of a drain on my time and as I went to turn it on, I decided to go mow instead.  Instead of laying in front of the TV, I got some work done that would have been waiting for me in the morning I’ll either get out of town and back up to Michigan earlier to join the family or at least have a less stressful morning.  I also spent some time in the scriptures last night, a very uncommon occurrence for me lately.

[Revelation #1]
I got to reading through the first two chapters of 2 Timothy.  I am reminded of how I’m always amazed at how God’s Word speaks when we listen.  I know you can apply lines of anything to most any situation…Then there is scripture speaking to you.  It’s amazing the difference.  As this whole thing has gone down, I’ve had no “on the knee’s” moment or anything, just a tugging at my heart that something was amiss.  The weight of ME became unbearable in the last few days.  

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” 2Tim1.7

It seems that throughout the years, when I have tried to free myself of my burdens, I frequently lacked the tenacity to overcome.  Because I always tried to do it myself.  But, the “spirit of power…and self-discipline” come from God.  He is giving me the power to do this successfully and the self-discipline to mature past wants and self.

[Revelation #2]
I don’t celebrate enough.  Paul was chained up and about to die…he was celebrating like it was Fat Tuesday.  Seriously, the guy never stops with it…If there was ever a better example for Shane’s Victim’s and Warrior’s poster-child, Id love to see him/her.  

“If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for He cannot disown himself.” 2Tim2.13  

In sixth grade on a wooden little altar on a rainy night in the Suzzanah cluster lodge at Camp Adventure, I got married.  It’s that whole, “The two become one” thing.  I became one with Christ and when I’ve been down, He’s still been there with me.  I’m the whore in the book of Hosea.  How awesome is that?  God’s faithfulness surpasses my ability to follow through.  And when I can get past myself, I can accept the power He gives me to be faithful, full of God’s power and love and be self-disciplined.

So, why do I not celebrate more?  

My job is at a place that impacts thousands of lives each year.  The place I work at has impacted more than a 1,000,000 people since it began.  The place I work for is going to impact a 1,000,000 more.  Why don’t I celebrate more?

My family is freaking awesome!  I have a kick-butt wife who is also a terrific mom and provider, my daughter is smart, beautiful and amazing, and my son is such a cool, neat little guy.  Why do I not celebrate more?

“Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.”2Tim2.16

I know this verse is really about false theologies and the such, but I think godless chatter is anything that distracts from my being the person God desires me to be.  For me, it’s the conversations where I’m frustrated by another’s actions or inadequacies. 

 

It’s time to start celebrating.

The "30 day fast", is a challenge to myself that began with this email which went out to my wife and three good friends who have always helped provide me with accountability, wisdom, good laughs and sometimes good beer.

I had a long interesting drive today…the last week or so has been pretty interesting in general.  I guess it all began unraveling with a story about a watch.  

There was a camper at CA who is autistic.  Anytime he crossed paths with someone, he asked the time so he could reset his watch to exactly their time.  I found the scenario quite interesting and was talking to Scotty about it; I noted how profound his desire to be in sync with other people made me ponder upon our need to be in sync with God.  Scott, being the eternal pessimist, said his first thought was the misfortune of someone needing so badly to be in sync, that they sync up with whoever they come in contact with.

At Institute, Scott revived my eternal hero, Abstinence Man.  I found myself longing for a day when my faith was younger, more passionate and focused on changing the world.

Later last week, I had a conversation with Shane on what God really does when he connects with the depths of our souls, messy spirituality and real encounters; all conversations of the obvious.  Sadly, it became too obvious.

I think back and can’t help but feel that I’m not sure who’s time zone I’m living in anymore.  On the road today, I thought through the wants and desires and self-satisfying things I do every day.  The list of things I do for my wife and family is not that long.  The list of time I focus on God and Godly things is not that long.  Even at work, the fulfillment I get from being in ministry is not about the 4500 lives that are greatly impacted each year at camp, but on how good my job makes me feel about me.  Spiritually, I’m an apathetic scholar at best; I can give you all the history and quote the best answers and verses to support tons of “right” conversations.  I don’t feel like I’m a bad person, I don’t feel like I’m a good person.  I just feel like a person, not a child of God.

And in the end, I think I’ve lost my watch.

I’ve kind of become Abstinence Man, only, in a bad way.  

And right now, I lack true depth, my walk isn’t messy and I haven’t sought out a meaningful encounter with Christ in who knows how long.  

I want to be a wreck.  The good kind.  The kind of wreck I became when I met Jesus Christ and my life turned upside down.  I’ve somehow regained control of my life and I’m like the jerk at a go-kart track who turns the governor on the kid’s carts.  

So, I decided on my drive today to begin a 30 day fast, nothing like the 30 hour famine, but a fast from me.  I’m giving up on fulfilling my selfish wants and things that are just about me.  If something is not bettering my relationships, my life or my ministry, I’m giving it up for 30 days.   

Secondly, I’m challenging myself to dive back into the Word every day.  I need to start finding time again to focus daily on my walk, scriptures and my ministry (not my job).  Each day, I’m going to seek out new revelations each day; there is a ton I don’t know and I’m going to discover what God still has to teach me.  I know God will answer with amazement.  

Thirdly, I’m exposing myself to you (the picture is attached).  I really need you all to help me out.  I would love it if you would check in on me from time to time and help me unpack what God is doing to me.

I’m asking God to wreck my life.  It occurred to me towards the end of the ride that this could be way more than I think it is.    Simply put, I’ve told God that he didn’t wreck me hard enough the last time, so, I need him to back up and hit me again.  I’m kind of scared about what I’ve asked for.   

Please keep me in your prayers.  To help in my accountability, I’m going to send an email each day with some of my thoughts and hopefully a revelation of what God is teaching me with each day.  In 30 days, I may discover new ministries within me, I may discover that being wrecked is a tighter focus on my family, or who knows what God might lead me to.

Thanks,
Gern

By the way, Shane and Kels, this isn’t me saying I think God has me ready for a move.  This is a spiritual revival, not a “my job sucks and I need to refocus my efforts” thing.

I’m on the plane on my way back from San Diego.  We just left the Christian Camps and Conferences Association (CCCA).  This was a continuing ed event for seven of our staff from Impact 2818.  I have to say, in all, I would give the training event a 5 out of 10.  There were some very good moments with new thoughts and information and then there was a huge chunk of regurgitated information that I hear at every ministry training event I’ve ever been to.

 

I posed the question to our staff; “What was it you hoped to get from this event that you didn’t get?”  My answer was, interaction with people like me.  I think that can be the most beneficial part of any training event.  It’s great to always hear from other professionals in the industry.  But, I want to bounce ideas, hear something that’s working for some other group and share about something that didn’t go over well and help each other understand why.  They attempted something like this, but it was just a group of twenty-something’s in camping.  That’s what I want.

 

I got my best resources from the exhibit hall.   The first is a potential fund-raiser I’ll be researching in-depth as soon as I get back in the office next week.  The organization is called YTB Travel.  Essentially, for a $450 set up fee, they establish an expedia-esque travel site/service for your organization.  You advertise this to your constituents to use instead of Expedia, Travelocity or Priceline.  When your supporters sign up for travel, you get a 40% cut of the profit that YTB receives.  There’s supposedly no annual maintenance fees or anything after the initial set up.  They ran numbers for us using our current database and travel statistics…I found the results surprising.  My only thought is that it seems to good to be true.  Research will tell; I’ll report more later.

 

Another great resource was a buying company that allows you to purchase from a number of companies at their cost.  I’m a little fuzzy on the details as I was only paying half attention (this was a decision for my boss, so I was just dreaming of how much I would save in my budget next year).  It looks good, you sign up, and there’s very little cost at the time of purchase.  I’ll report on how this works in 2008 when I start purchasing through them.

 

The other great info I picked up came from a presenter named Losey.  He had some great thoughts regarding leadership and staff cohesiveness.  I’ll save that for my next post though.

 

All in all, nice trip…okay conference.  We didn’t win the boat, but I came home with a tennis racket that is actually an electric bug zapper.  I can’t wait ‘til the bugs come out.

So, I’m out here in San Diego at a Camp Conference and they have a free breakfast this morning.  I go through the line and get to the drinks and discover the usual assumption that just pushes my buttons.  

Nothing but coffee and hot tea. 

My church does this too.  No water, no juice, no cocoa, no soda.  Just coffee and hot tea.  Is it so hard to imagine that some people out here hate the smell of coffee and on a warm morning would love anything that wasn’t boiling? 

I think the thing that ticks me off the most about it all is the fact that it just comes off as pretentious, snobby and exclusive.  Almost as if there’s some sort of secret club…probably is and I’m probably not welcome. 

I visited a church recently and they had just begun a series on "The gospel according to Starbucks".  They went to great lengths to add a little pizzaz to the sanctuary and aesthetics.  They even bought a handful of Starbucks aprons and cups to add to the scenery.

The pastor began his 7 minute message with the usual jokes of how many cups a day he needs to survive.  I don’t get how people can listen to someone drone on about the joy of coffee and how the experience makes them feel.  Even more, I hate hearing Christian’s joke about their coffee addiction and how they think it’s funny.  We all suffer from so many different problems and addictions of our own, I don’t think it helps anyone to hear Christian’s picking and choosing addictions to put in classifications of acceptability.  

I’m not saying drinking coffee is a sin, just as I won’t say that drinking beer is a sin.  So, what’s my beef?  

An addiction is an addiction.  Addictions are painful and cancerous to our faith/relationships because of the damage they do to our walk with Christ, and with others.  If I can’t control my temper without a smoke…there is a problem.  If I’m blowing $10 a day on lottery tickets and can’t pay off my credit cards…there is a problem.  If I know more about coffee varieties than my child’s favorite toy, book and friends…there is a problem.

The other thing that ticks me off about this is the hypocritical appearance and example it displays to the world.  Why is it okay for a pastor (stereotyping here) to be addicted to coffee, poor health and workaholic behaviors, while it’s wrong for the kids in the youth ministry at church to smoke, drink and gossip?  It’s all about what is socially acceptable in the world outside the church.  The church and its people are allowing their beliefs to be watered down to standards they shouldn’t.  We’re developing sin classes, which we know don’t exist biblically.  

What I’m saying is this; our witness and ability to share God is being weakened by our inability to admit failures instead of compromising them to make us feel better.

So, I guess this would be the beginning.

I’m in San Diego this week home is back in Indiana.

I work at a Christian Camp doing video’s, design and web work.  

I have a beautiful wife and 2 children.  

It’s a great life and I love my job.